The joys of being a nurse.

This list has been passed around a lot. Some of you have seen it a million times. For those of you who want to know more about the nursing profession, this will be a great help to you.

I have experienced a good amount of the list below. I laughed out loud while reading a few of these. I will italicize some of my personal favorites :)

You know you are a nurse when....

1) The front of your scrubs reads "Nurses...Here to save your a**, not kiss it!"

2) You occasionally park in the space with the "Physicians only" sign...and knock it over.

3) You believe some patients are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

4) You recognize that you can't cure stupid.

5) You own at least three pens with the names of prescription medications on them.

6) You believe there's a special place for the inventor of the call light.

7) You believe that saying "it can't get any worse" causes it to get worse just to show you it can.

8) You wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom.

9) You believe that any job where you can drive to work in your pajamas is a cool one.

10) You consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil.

11) Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.

12) You've been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider it a form of birth control.

13) You've ever heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring, and twelve earrings say "I'm afraid of shots."

14) You've ever placed a bet on someone's blood alcohol level or urine drug screen... and you were right!

15) You've told a confused patient that your name is that of a coworker and to call it out if they need help.

16) Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water tank.

17) You have seen more penises than any prostitute could dream of.

18) You believe that not all patients are annoying. Some are unconscious.

19) Your family and friends refuse to watch medical sitcoms with you because you spend the whole time correcting everyone and pointing out upside down x-rays.

20) You don't get excited about blood, unless it’s your own.

21) You've sworn to have "do not resuscitate" tattooed on your chest. Soon!

22) Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal is perfectly normal to you.

23) Your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat.

24) Your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change.

25) You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.

26) You believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a recognized diagnosis.

27) You believe that the government should require permits to reproduce.

28) You believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone who utters the phrase "Wow, it's really quiet, isn't it?"

29) You have ever wanted to write a book entitled, "Suicide: getting it right the first time."

30) You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say, "I have no idea how that got stuck in there."

31) You've had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.

32) Full body CT-scans would be very beneficial for all patients.

33) You believe it should become a law for only one complaint per visit.

34) You often find yourself checking out arm veins on customers in grocery lines.
35) You can almost SEE the germs on doorknobs and telephones.